Antidotes to Spoiling Kids...And Not Just Over the Holidays

Parents have to know the difference between their kids needs and their wants. Kids dont know the difference.

Ive got to have it! I need it! Im the only one who doesnt have one! Ill die if you dont let me!

Dont fall into the Happiness Trap. Be willing to be unpopular which often means saying no when your child is bugging you (or pleading, arguing or having a tantrum) to say yes.

Once youve said no, stick to it. Dont falter even if your child acts like youre the meanest mom or the worst dad in the world.

Dont say no if even a little bit of you means, Well, maybe Children will do anything to try to get parents to turn a no into a yes. They have an uncanny way of knowing when were ambivalent about rules and limits.

Remember that a disappointed child or unhappy child is NOT an unloved child.

Dont bribe unless you want your child to become manipulative. A bribe almost always starts with if you. Example: If you clean your room, Ill buy that toy youve been nagging me about.

A reward, as opposed to a bribe, is after the fact. But if you reward children, dont do it with material things. What children really need is time alone with their parents and simpler is better a walk in the snow, a bike ride, going out with you to pick out bagels for breakfast, a trip to the library or to the zoo, etc.

Children need fewer toys most of them are overwhelmed with too much stuff. Instead, try making things by hand: designing cards on the computer, baking cookies, drawing a picture, or knitting a scarf. Or do something for family members: reciting a favorite poem, reading to your sister, or picking out a book at the library. These gifts are much more meaningful because they involve your time and effort. Example: Instead of buying pricey toys, decide what your family could do for each other over the holidays. Make Mom breakfast in bed; take over your sisters or brothers chores for a day; give your daughter a manicure; take the kids bowling; spend an evening playing your childs favorite games with the whole family.

If your kids are bombarded with toys anyway, help them decide which of their presents theyre willing to give away to kids in a shelter or hospital. Go with them so they have the experience of giving, not just getting.

Nancy Samalin, M.S., is one of today's foremost experts on parenting and a best-selling author of several books including LOVING YOUR CHILD IS NOT ENOUGH. Her fourth and newest book, LOVING WITHOUT SPOILING & 100 Other Timeless Tips for Raising Terrific Kids, is now available in paperback.

For more than two decades Nancy has been giving keynote speeches and workshops throughout the U.S. and internationally. She has appeared on many national TV & radio shows including, "The Today Show", "20/20", "Good Morning America" NPR and "Dateline NBC". Further information on Nancy's work and books is available at http://www.samalin.com.

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